The Complete Idiot's Guide to Koh Chang.

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If you cant be bothered reading the rest of this site, you should find most of what you need to know here. ( Some details are outdated and this section will be rewritten & expanded in May  2008 )

A

Acupressure.  The effective, low cost cure all is available at Sima Massage, Klong Prao.  (Near Chang Chutiman elephant camp and the turning for Tropicana)  I haven't had it done to me as I tend to steer clear of quacks but a few people who've stayed at our place have been there and swear by it. 

Aerial Photography.  One unique business on Koh Chang provides aerial video and photography services using a paraglider rather than aircraft of any kind, to keep costs down and allow clients to get customised aerial shots are very reasonable prices.  Some photos here.

Airport.  The nearest airport is Bangkok Airway's private landing strip in Trat which was built for oversize Cessnas & holidaymakers for whom the 5-hour drive from Bangkok would be too time consuming and affords far too many opportunities for coming in contact with regular Thais.  Bangkok Airways Trat customer call service centre/office/ticket booth  can apparently be reached on 039 525 299-30 providing someone's home and you don't call at lunchtime or when there's an interesting game show on TV.  First  time visitors have reported being a bit alarmed when the plane lands then does a U-turn and starts taxing back along the runway it just landed on and not a slip road, but fear not, there are only a handful of flights per day.  In high season there are 3 flights per day each way.

In October 2007 a new landing strip opened on Koh Chang, opposite ban Chang Thai elephant camp in Klong Prao.  Here you can take sightseeing flights in an ultralight two seater plane for 15, 30 or 60 minutes.  Prices from 1700 baht upwards.  Well worth doing for a unique view of the island.

Apartments.  If you're looking to stay long term there are a couple of apartment blocks.  One small and pricey, the other large and pretty good value.  At the south end of White Sand Beach, opposite Plaloma Resort, you'll find a small apartment block where a concrete box can be yours for 7,000 baht/month.  However, the rooms here will almost certainly all be rented out.  Nearby, Paddy's Palms has apartments for rent behind the Irish pub for a similar monthly amount.   Away from White Sand Beach, a better bet is VJ Apartments, VJ Plaza, Klong Prao.  Around 90 rooms at the rear of a rather uninspiring shopping plaza, the saving grace being the excellent supermarket.  6,000 baht/month high season with no deposit to pay.  It's a bit dark & dingy and the places tends to attract a strange mix of alcoholic expats saving their beer money and Thai staff from banks, the international clinic etc.

ATMs.  There are now ATMs pretty much everywhere along the west coast - in Klong Son, White Sand Beach, Klong Prao, Kai Bae and several all within 20 metres of each other in Bangbao.  What's more, some of them actually work most of the time.  They all take, and will usually return, overseas issued credit cards and global ATM cards i.e. any card bearing a 'Cirrus' or 'Plus' logo.  

ATVs.  Great fun if you've got acres of rugged farmland on which to play but a liability if you're using them on the road, as a few locals with a bit of cash seem to do.  Personally, I don't see the point in buying a 250cc machine for the cost of a small pick-up truck, which does 30 mph on the flat and then having nowhere to use it.  There used to be an ATV rental place just outside White Sand Beach, sadly this closed.  But you'll still find a couple of bars & restaurants renting out ATVs with no insurance and which aren't actually road legal in Thailand. (It may appear cool to be seen scooting around on them but as they aren't allowed on roads, guess who gets all the bills if you have an accident.)  But of you want to rent a quad to cruise around the island on for a day then go for it and if that isn't a fun way to kill a few hours and simultaneously lighten your wallet considerably then I don't know what is - other than a renting a  jacuzzi full of slappers.

B

Backpackers. (Or 'Travellers' to be politically correct.) Love 'em or loathe 'em but you can't avoid 'em.  You'll be sitting in a beachfront restaurant enjoying your steamed sea bass, a large plate of prawns and cool Heineken and from somewhere behind you you'll overhear a voice ordering a fried rice and bottle of water and an extra plate so Ms. Backpacker can share. 20 minutes later the voice will be heard again complaining that he has been charged 10 baht for the water when it only costs 5 baht in the 7-11.  100% mark-up, rip off or what??? And then outrage as their threats of an irate posting on the Lonely Planet discussion board "I'm a close personal friend of Joe Cummins, you know!" go ignored by the waitress.  

Having done the backpacking thing (my trip consisted of riding my bicycle around a large chunk of Asia a decade ago) I'm regularly less than impressed by the lack of travelling many travellers do - remaining in one spot for a month or so is just plain boring and hardly opens your eyes to a new country & culture. 

No, taking in full moon parties on different islands doesn't really count as an adventure. Fortunately, there are  a new breed of backpacker, those who don't mind budgeting $20/ day for living expenses and can therefore afford the extortionate rates local laundries charge (30 baht/kilo).  Roll on the day when means testing is introduced at border crossings.

Bank Accounts.  If you plan on moving to the island or  working here then having a Thai bank account certainly helps when it comes to having a place to deposit any hard earned cash or to transfer monies into.  Unfortunately, Thailand now has an annoying rule which prohibits anyone who doesn't have a work permit from having opening a bank account. 

The branches of Bank of Ayuttaya, Thai Military Bank and Siam Commercial Bank all adhere to this rule on Koh Chang.  Fortunately, the folks at Siam City Bank on White Sand Beach, opposite Baan Thai Hotel, will open an account, with ATM card for you in a matter of minutes.  Either they're just very nice folks or are desperate for new accounts.  Bangkok Bank are also flexible as they opened their branch after most people who needed bank accounts had already got one.  Call in at the weekend for the best chance of opening an account if you don't have  a Work Permit.

Bars.  Koh Chang has only one 'brand name' bar 'Sabay Bar', on White Sand Beach, which is relatively well-known off the island and now boasts a mock stone cliff face as a frontage, a Balinese themed interior and prices higher than many city centre Bangkok bars. There's a very nice beach bar on White Sand Beach, just south of Sabay Bar in front of Tantawan bungalows - cant remember the name, but it's under a large tree and is cheap, quiet and serves very nice snacks & nibbles.  'Back Sound' bar, on Lonely Beach, is where you'll meet chilling backpackers , cross the road to Lemon Bar if you want to meet gay chilling backpackers., walk another 50 meters to Magic Garden to meet mellow chilling backpackers.  Both  Kai Bae and Lonely Beach both have their share of roadside & beachside bars all offering the same leafed roof, late night, Bob Marley, cheap vodka-redbull bucketed ambience that discerning travellers favour.  Worth singling out as a nice spot for a sunset beer is Barracuda beach bar, just north of the Panviman Hotel, Klong Prao.  Very good food, friendly owner & staff and nice empty stretch of beach. 

Bar names.  Maybe it's just me but I have an aversion to western owned bars/restaurants/resorts named after the owner or the owner's girlfriend.  It shows lack of imagination and a desire to run the business as a boost either your or your totty's ego plus the lack of imagination and thought in naming the place is carried over when dealing with customers who aren't on first name terms with either of the owners.  (I'll give purely Thai owned places a break here as it's not always easy to think of a good Thai name that's translatable into a good English name backpackers can pronounce but farangs should know better.)  Shoot me if you see me in a place called Leks, Noi's, Oui's, Nui's, Nok's, Moo's etc and if, in years to come,  I'm the owner, remind me it's time to take the cyanide capsule.

Baht. - The correct way to spell the name of the Thai currency in English.

Bakeries.  Not much in the way of fresh bread available on the island if you don't fancy sliced bread or sweet Thai bread.  However, the saving grace is 'Crust' located in Klong Prao village opposite the temple.  Run by Paul, a German baker with over 30 years experience the bread and pastries here are as good as you'll find anywhere.  Many of the luxury hotels now use his services as it's the only place on the island where you can get real bread and croissants baked the way they should be. Go there, you won't be sorry.  You can then also suggest to the manager of your hotel that they change the limp toast and tasteless white bread rolls they offer at breakfast for something much better.

Bart. - Microsoft Word's spellchecker's suggestion for the correct spelling of the name of Thai currency.

Bath. - The way to spell the name of the Thai currency in English if you're Thai.

Beaches.
Klong Prao Beach
A very long long sandy beach and, unlike most other beaches it actually has sand along it's entire length. As with most beaches on the island it only slopes gently into the sea which means you have to wade a hundred metres out in order to swim. No where near as many resorts here as the other beaches - the main places to stay being a handful of up-market resorts and Kp Huts, Tiger Bungalows and Thale Bungalows - three backpacker hangouts for backpackers who don't want to mix with too many other backpackers and who don't require an internet cafe and Frozen Caramel Macchiato in order to be happy..

Kai Bae Beach
A popular beach has about a dozen places to stay on the seafront which are often full during high season and very good value in the low season.  These are mainly in the mid-price range - no wooden shacks here with the exception of Holiday Beach and the long standing Porn's bungalows. All the usual necessities (internet / coffee shop / bars / dive shops / 7-eleven minimarts / ATMs etc) are on the stretch of road behind the beach.  The beach isn't as good as others on the island but does have some very nice views - especially from Coral Bungalows in the centre of the beach.  

Lonely Beach
The backpackers' mecca . . . unless of course you're a Muslim backpacker.  Until a few years ago it  was quite desolate and then the powers that be extended the road, put in electricity and the chances of finding peace and quiet evaporated overnight.  Still the place to be seen for any self respecting world traveller and the place to avoid for everyone else.  Nice, clean beach & 'Nature Rocks' is a great place to hangout and people watch. The north end of the beach is one of the better places to swim along the west coast but resorts here are quickly going upmarket and more and more package tourists are invading.

White Sand Beach
The  first beach you will come to after hopping off the ferry and therefore the busiest and first to be developed.  The central stretch of beach has featureless concrete bungalows crammed and mid-price package tour hotels crammed as closely together as possible.  The far northern end is sandy, quiet and has a similar vibe to Lonely Beach, the southern end is devoid of sand, on the plus side it is nearer the beer bars and the only decent Italian restaurant on the island. Good swimming and very good sand at the very north end, loads of stones at the south.

East coast beaches
There aren't any. Or at least nothing that can be called a beach - only a few patches of reddish brown sand that appear at high tide.  Head to the west coast if beach-life is important.  However, one notable exception is Long Beach in the far south-east of the island - a very nice crescent bay with sunset views but not easily reached with a basic bungalow resort 'Treehouse', a branch of the Lonely beach bungalows with the same name that opened in mid-2005.

Beach Access. All beaches in Thailand are in the public domain, however what you often find is that this means nothing if you can't actually get to the beach. 

Thais tend to enjoy going to beach resorts where the beach and the hotels are separated by a road, this allows easy access to the beach for both somtam vendors and tourists. Foreign tourists prefer to stay as close to the beach as possible, leading to the land next to the beach being private property which is occupied by a resort.  Koh Chang's beaches are of the farang style, great if you are staying on them but getting to the sand can be a hassle if you're not. 

On White Sand Beach the National Park office has built a couple of walkways down to the beach so you can avoid having to wander through a resort car park or past bungalows to get to the sand. These were both washed away in the great floods of October 2006 i.e. they weren't built to withstand heavy rain.  One, at the northern end of the beach has since been rebuilt, the one in the centre of the beach hasn't yet

There's no obvious way to get from the road to the beach on Klong Prao, which is good as it helps keep the beach much quieter than Kai Bae or White Sand Beach. However, a public walkway to the beach was constructed at the end of 2005.  It's located midway between Klong Prao Resort and Koh Chang Resort, opposite the barber/vegetable shop/motorbike repair shops and, being built to the finest local standards meant the builders didn't anticipate the lack of foundations would have an adverse effect on the longevity of the structure.  But it can still be used with care.  Alternatively, to see the middle of the beach - take the track leading to KP Hut & Panviman Hotel, take any of the rough tracks that lead off to the left after you pass KP Huts. (There are a couple between KP Huts & Panviman and three or four others after you pass Panviman)

To reach the sand on Kai Bae, it's easy to park a bike beachside at the informal campsite past Gajapuri Resort & Ploy Scuba BBQ, alternatively just follow the road signposted to KB Hut and you'll find you end up in a car/boat park next to the beach, from here it's easy to walk along the southern stretch of beach.

To reach the sandy areas of Lonely Beach you have to go through one of the bungalow resorts on the beach itself or walk, at low tide, from the  Treehouse - avoid Siam Beach as they make you pay for parking a car or bike in their car park, Nature Beach & the slummy Siam Hut are better bets to park up as you don't have to pay for the privilege.

Bailan Bay is a bit of a hassle to get down to, following the recently paved road which leads down to the decrepit Jungle Hut & Bailan Hut is the best bet.  You can reach the shore, without passing any staring resort staff, from near Bailan Hut.  But the new Dusit Princess 5-star resort and the smaller Whitehouse Resort have the main section of beach to themselves

Beachwear shops.  One word to describe them 'identical'.  There must be fourty or fifty small shops on Koh Chang that sell identical souvenir t-shirts, sarongs, fisherman's trousers and bikinis.  A bit of variety wouldn't go amiss, that's for sure but I guess there are still some people on the planet for whom the 'McShit' t-shirt is a 'must have' item of clothing.  If you're buying from these shops, do like the Thais & haggle.  Thanks to my girlfriend's extensive research into  shopping on Koh Chang we've discovered that Lonely Beach is the place where you're most likely to be asked to pay way over the odds for clothing, the shops in Kai Bae seem most willing to discount to normal Thai market prices and the vendors on White Sand Beach would rather sell their first born child than discount more than 10 baht from the asking price of a t-shirt (Although you might get  a discount on their child).  I buy my sandals at the local markets, for 200 baht you get well made Thai brands that will easily last 6-12  months without requiring constant use of superglue to hold them together.

Beer.  There's only one place you can get  a decent pint on Koh Chang and that's the Irish Pub - Paddy's Palms on White Sand Beach.  Ok, so it's about as Irish as the staff who work there and has all the ambience of two knocked together shophouses - which coincidentally it is, but they serve nice pint of Guinness & Kilkenny.  As an Irish pub it's a missed opportunity, but until somewhere else comes along that serves Guinness on tap then beggars can't be choosers.

For imported German beers head to Upper Crust, opposite Klong Prao temple and for  a wider choice, try the Wine Gallery, roadside 100 metres past the southernmost 7-eleven in Kai Bae.  V-mart supermarket in Klong Prao also has a few real beers that are brewed in Thailand.

Beer Bars.  The main Pattaya-esque beer bar enclave is situated at southern end of White Sand Beach, just past the 7-11 and is known by the highly original name of 'Little Pattaya'.  As with the big motorbikes that are available for rent nearby the girls are Pattaya rejects, the majority of whom have had several previous owners, have seen better days but are still good fun to rent for a day or two.   For a real eye opener drive by the small roadside bars in Chai Chet during daylight hours where even the most ardent feminist would struggle not to agree with the diplomatic assessment that the girls are 'more than a bit rough'. (But there's always an overweight, lobster red tourist propping up the bar, proof indeed that beauty is in the eye of the beholder . . . or should that be 'beer holder'?)

In Oct 2006 the new 'Koh Chang Entertainment Plaza' opened in Chai-Chet just north of Klong Prao. A load of beer bars, each adorned with more fairy lights than an Oxford Street window display at Christmas, in what used to be a covered market. Worth a visit to see if there really are more bars than there are customers.

Wander around Kai Bae and you'll find a few dimly lit roadside bars with bored looking girls perched on stools just dying to engage you in a debate on  world affairs and the current state of Thai politics or, if you're not in the mood for some mental stimulation, maybe just a game of Connect 4 and a friendly chat about the repective sizes of your willy and your wallet. 

Bird Flu.  No outbreaks reported in Trat or Koh Chang.  You'll be fine.  Just avoid exchanging bodily fluids with any strange wildfowl or accepting offers from natives of the northeast of Thailand to vacation at their free-range chicken farms.

Bookshops.  A couple of minimarts on White Sand Beach have new English language novels for sale direct from Asia Books in Bangkok, as does VJ Supermarket in VJ Plaza, Klong Prao.  Imported books are pricey in Thailand so if something to keep you busy on the beach or whilst waiting for your girlfriend to get herself tarted up for a night out is what you're after then a visit to a second hand bookshop is in order. If you're staying in or passing through Lonely Beach then a stop at Lonely Books, near Nature Rocks restaurant, is a must.  This is the best you'll find on the island, a very well stocked used book shop with something for all tastes. Lonely Books also have a branch opposite Chang Park Resort in Kai Bae - you can browse their collection online at www.lonelybooksasia.com. Tantawan restaurant on White Sand Beach save you the expense of buying a book by having a library service which is worth making use of if you can read quickly.  Other options include the second hand bookshop opposite Ban Pu hotel, White Sand Beach or Kai Bae where a couple of internet cafes also have books for sale.  Reckon on 140 - 200 baht/book.  

Booking accommodation in advance.  In brief. Something simple to do if you're staying in a large 4,000 baht/night resort.  Something nigh on impossible if you're staying in a small family run resort or a 150 baht/night flophouse.  Small places aren't geared up for the information age, as dealing with walk in guests is far easier than figuring out how to register with Paypal and far less hassle than and expense than signing up for a e-commerce package from a bank.  You'll find that small resorts with websites rarely answer emails as the person designated to answer emails doesn't know how to or doesn't have good English skills, therefore any emails containing anything other than an amusing flash animation of a cartoon kitten dancing to the latest hit from some Korean boy band will end up in the Junk folder.  In high season book in advance if you can, and you'll almost certainly save yourself a lot of hassle finding a room once you get here as many of the places mentioned in guidebooks will be booked up already.  Advance booking, in the case of some hotels six months in advance, is essential for any beachfront resort from Christmas to mid-January, when the island is at it's busiest On the plus side, there are plenty of new resorts on the island which aren't in guidebooks yet, and so will welcome your custom.  Many of these are off the beach, but some offer much better value of money as they have to compete on price and not location for guests.

Booze.  If you start to tire of having to choose between Singha, Chang, Heineken and over priced table wine every evening, take a look at Koh Chang Wine Gallery in Kai Bae or BJ Wine, Chai Chet.  They both have large stocks of imported beers, wines and spirits in all price ranges, the majority of which are unavailable anywhere else on the island.  These are the places that virtually all restaurants and resorts on the island buy their wine from. V-Mart supermarket in Klong Prao also have a good choice with some recognisable Aussie red wines for 500 - 1,000 baht a bottle, they also now sell Thai-brewed San Miguel which tastes as good as the real thing. Upper Crust, Klong Prao have a small selection of good quality, mainly Italian & German wines. Avoid any wine bottle with 'Koh Chang wine' on the label and a picture of a bunch of grapes.  Read the small print, it's fruit wine and tastes like your Grandfather's home brew.

Boring Facts.  If you've been doing a bit of searching for Koh Chang related information you'll have found that the main page of virtually every site mentions that it's the second largest island in Thailand, and many will even give you the area in square kilometres and population.  Who cares? Or are there really people out there saying:
"Ooooohhh Bob, let's go to Koh Chang.  It's the second largest island in Thailand with a population of approximately 6,000 according to the 2000 census."
"Yes, dear.  And it's part of the 52-island Mu Koh Chang Marine Park archipelago to boot. Status that was granted as long ago as 1982. Now, where's my Visa card?" 

If you really want to bore people to death at dinner parties, on the subway or in the pub you'll be pleased to know that there are a total of 1,757 registered addresses on Koh Chang. You probably knew that already . . .but did you know that, according to the National Statistical Office website there are 28 people aged 85 or older, of which 23 are women and 5 are men?  Why not see if you can spot them whilst on the island?  Spot all five, take their photos, email them to me and you could win a prize.  (Or you could have just wasted your vacation.)

Builders.  (For anyone reading this site because they plan on living or doing business on Koh Chang there's a section on building stuff.)  There are a lot on the island.  Some are locals, some from the Trat area and many from elsewhere in Thailand.  Prices for building work vary a lot depending on who you speak to, by a lot I mean 50 - 75%. In addition to finding someone to do the work for you at a good price it also helps to find a builder who specialises in the type of work you want doing. 

If you want a two story concrete construction then you don't hire a guy who makes his living putting up wooden huts - his workers won't have the experience needed to do a good job of finishing concrete etc.  Likewise if you're planning on using wood then you'll need to do some research first on the types of construction materials available and find a builder who can talk knowledgeably about his trade, for example the benefits/drawbacks of using different types of wood; and can estimate prices without having to be on the phone to the builders' merchant for half an hour. 

Bungalows.  If you're Thai then you'll probably check into a dimly lit, concrete, airconditioned hotel room or  bungalow, the darker and colder the better.  If you're not Thai then the notion of doing that seems a mite bizarre.  Aircon is more of a luxury than a necessity if you have a sea breeze.  Nights are usually quite cool, except in summer - March / April / May - and a good fan is all that's needed.  But all fan rooms are not created equal. 

To been honest I'm surprised by the number of travellers who are happy to stay in rooms which are barely big enough to swing a cat in.  Yes, they're cheap.  Of course they're cheap, they have no windows, plywood walls and one 40 watt light bulb.  Why not spend 100 baht/night more and staying in a room with windows, a bed, mozzie nets, running water and space to swing a cat should you desire? 

Buses.  None on the island, but you can buy tickets at most hotels, bungalows etc for minibuses to Bangkok, Pattaya, Koh Samet etc.  Alternatively make your way to Trat from where you can take a full size bus.  Minibuses are quicker but unless you're Douglas Bader or a fully fledge, card carrying dwarf you'll find the lack of legroom  stifling.  The best deal on getting to & from back Bangkok is the government run bus service which runs between Ekkamai Bus Station in Bangkok & Centrepoint pier on the mainland.  Cost is 282 baht/person.  Also running are 250 baht/person buses from Ekkamai to Koh Chang Ferry pier.  Both routes run services leaving Bangkok at 7.45am & 9.45am with returns back to Bkk, leaving at 2pm & 4pm (and 11am from Koh Chang Ferry pier)

Buying Land.   Unlike other large islands such as Phuket and Samui the vast majority of land on Koh Chang lies within National Park boundaries and as such is off limits to developers . . . . unless they happen to be: a) rich b) related to members of parliament or c) both a) + b) in which case flattening a few thousand trees to make way for concrete can easily be overlooked.  For us mere mortals the lack of available land on Koh Chang means that if you're looking to buy land then you'll have to dig deep into your wallet, especially if you're relying on adverts in English or fellow farangs that you meet in bars to help you with your land search.  

Speak to the local noodle stall owner, the guy in the hammock who sells overpriced litre bottles of petrol to passing motorcyclists and anyone else who doesn't appear to be awash with cash - that's how to find the cheap land.  Better still get a Thai  friend, (not a bar girl, as even the most buxom will invariably fall into the 'breast size larger than IQ' segment of the populace) to help you and steer clear of the Bangkok businessmen who ask for key money.  One final thing to remember is to choose your friends, don't let them choose you.  Word quickly spreads if a farang buys a resort or rents land and they find that many friendly locals are interested in meeting them, helping them etc.  It pays to be cautious.

C

Cable TV.  The Koh Chang Television company are the sole purveyors of fine cable content on Koh Chang.  Most hotels are connected up to their 40 channel service which includes news & movie channels.  For your amusement there are also adverts from local businesses, 90% of which are voiced by the Aussie Keith, who runs everything, and  fortunately possesses one of those gravely movie trailer type of voices and not a high pitched squeek.  Their website is www.kohchangtv.com - my favourite ad is for the Klong Son carwash, closely followed by the commercial for Angels Bar which is a lesson in ways to diplomatically say a hooker bar isn't a hooker bar but still imply that it is.

Cambodian Border Crossing.  The border crossing is around an hour and fifteen minutes drive by minivan from Trat town.  Take a minivan from outside Trat central market. This crossing is far removed from the hectic activity at the far busier Aranyaprathet / Poipet crossing which anyone travelling from Bangkok - Siem Reap overland will go through.  Had Lek / Cham Yeam border post is a far more laid back affair with no queues and formalities taking 10 minutes maximum.

Get your stamp out of Thailand at the small office on the right of the checkpoint barrier, then walk 100 metres to the Cambodian Immigration office - the first building you see on the left. (Look to the right and you'll see the entrance to Koh Kong Casino Resort).  Refuse all offers of help from the guys who will approach you.  If you've made it this far you can fill in a simple form in English without their assistance.  If you don't already have a Cambodian visa, head to the open door of the visa office.  The office looks as though it has been recently looted, with only an empty wooden table, couple of chairs and no information or adornment of any kind on the unpainted concrete walls, other than a decade old map and a photo of the Cambodian King trying his best to look as un-gay as possible. 

The Immigration guys will probably playing cards in the back.  They know why you're here and you'll be given a simple visa application form to complete, you'll also need to supply one passport photo.  You'll also need around 1,100 baht for the visa.  When the hand of cards is over a guy will come and check the form, another will appear with a key and unlock a draw containing a book of blank visas, the visa takes up a full page of your passport, and a third will sigh, pick up his pen, fill out the blank visa stick it in your passport, call the guy who's job it is to stamp visas, wait for him to do his official duty, then hand your  passport back and you'll be on your way. 

Not very far though, only to the 'Arrivals' window immediately to your right as you exit the visa section.  Here you'll have to fill in the usual arrivals/departure card and get your passport stamped with arrival date etc, again ignore the annoying locals who will have these cards in their hands, take one from them and you'll be pestered for a tip incessantly.  Once your passport is stamped you can wander off, pursued by a rag-tag band of locals all wanting to escort you to a guesthouse, carry your bag or sell you cigarettes; and catch a motorbike taxi to Koh Kong village a few kilometres away.   From here on the website www.talesofasia.com will provide you with all you need to know about Cambodia.

If your trying to stay on an unlimited number of consecutive 30 day visas, you'll have problems from 1 Oct 2006 onwards as a new regulation means you're limited to three 30-day visas in any 6 month period.

Canoes.  Most resorts rent out sea canoes for visitors who wish to paddle around the shoreline.  If you're going to hire a canoe then it's worth making the effort to paddle to somewhere rather than just going round in circles 50 metres offshore for an hour or two.  From White Sand Beach you can head north, past the headland and onto Klong Son Bay - the bay with relatively little development, palm fringed shoreline, shallow waters and mountain backdrop looks seriously nice when photographed from the sea plus there's some snorkelling off the northern tip of the island. If you rent a canoe from Kai Bae, southern Klong Prao or Lonely Beach then you'll find that paddling out to the islands offshore make for a good day out.  From southern Klong Prao beach the nearest island, Koh Rom, is less than 30 mins away, lazy buggers may prefer to rent a canoe at the southern tip of Kai Bae where the nearest island, Koh Man Nai, is less than 10 mins away across  waters which are wade-able at low tide. 

See some photos of the inshore islands here.

Unlike the southern Thai islands there isnt much in the way of canoe tours yet.  However good mangrove canoeing is available, the downside is that the two best areas to head for Salakkok & Salakphet are both in the south east of the island  - i.e. 40-50km away from the areas where most visitors stay.  You can rent canoes at a couple of places in and around Salakphet.  In July 2005 in Salakkok, Koh Chang Discovery Club, run by the guy who owns Baan Kwan Chang elephant camp, started kayak tours in the mangroves.  Knowing the area, I'd say that this kind of tour was well worth going one to a huge,  easily accessible mangrove forest and no tourism. 

An easier alternative is to rent a canoe from any Klong Prao beach resort - (another blatant advert for us, as we're the cheapest place to rent from in the area) and paddle down the nearby river estuary.  You can go around a kilometre up either of two rivers which feed the estuary.

Charoen Pokphand (CP) Company.  Mention CP to any local or small businessman and they'll more often than not shake their heads in a mixture of envy and sadness.  Before it was announced that the government had big plans for Koh Chang, CP went on a buying spree and locals, not realising that a big boost for tourism was on the way sold out to the big generous buyer.  However, when land prices shot up almost  overnight following the government's announcement, local landowners saw that they had sold out far too cheaply.  At the moment CP's developments/interests/close friends include the 7-11s, Changburi Resort, Seaview Hotel and Koh Sai Khao - a private island in Salakphet Bay.  In addition, most of the useable land around Klong Prao belongs to them.  Oh yes, and they control access to the island in the form of the largest ferry company. 

Chang Cruise.  Originally a car ferry, then a snorkelling tour boat with a capacity of 300 and now used for romantic dinner cruises. The snorkelling idea didn't really take off as , for some reason, tourists didn't leap at the prospect of travelling by car ferry to the small protected dive sites. So now the boat can be seen off White Sand Beach a few times per week in high season, packed full of patrons enjoying a romantic meal on the car deck.  Phuket and Samui have dinner cruises in everything from old Chinese junks to purpose built yachts, only Koh Chang offers an old car ferry as the ultimate dining experience

Chinese Temple. Between the ferry piers and Klong Son the road winds up a small hill, on the right you'll see 'Chao Po Koh Chang' which translates as the  'Godfather of Koh Chang'.  (Whether he actually bore a resemblance to Marlon Brando isn't documented.) Apparently when fishermen found themselves facing a strong monsoon or a farmers a poor harvest, they would seek guidance from the Chao Po Koh Chang. Cynics will be disappointed to learn that prayers have been known to be answered.  You'll hear Thai drivers beeping their horns three times when they pass to say hello to the spirits.    

Climate.  Either hot & fairly dry or even hotter and very wet; depending on whether you visit during November - April or May - October.

Coffee.  One of the reasons our first plan was to open a coffee shop was that we couldn't find a decent place to buy the stuff when we first came here.  'Earthlink' on White Sand Beach is pretty good but almost Bangkokian in it's pricing.  The 'Rock Inn' in Bailan also serves up coffee that tastes like coffee which is a rarity in itself on Koh Chang as anyone who has had the misfortune of sampling Uncle Dee's coffee will testify.  Lots of places use the extremely average 'Uncle Dee' brand simply because the Uncle Dee Co. offer a free coffee machine to coffee bean buyers.  Save money and buy 'cafe boran' the traditional strong, sweet Thai iced coffee served to go in a plastic bag for 10 baht from a market stall.

'Moccachino', a  coffee shop that opened in Feb 2006, appears to be the saviour of those looking for good coffee, very nice surroundings plus internet access on Macs or PCs at a reasonable price, .  Located roadside in Kai Bae Plaza, not far from KB Hut / KB Resort etc.

Cookery classes.  Another way to kill time on Koh Chang is to learn how to cook your favourite Thai dishes.  Blue Lagoon & Ka-Ti Culinary - both in Klong Prao are two of the most popular places to spend an afternoon choking on chili fumes. The format of most cookery classes is pretty straightforward.  A chat about Thai food in general, an introduction to some of the more exotic ingredients, then hands on experience making  common or garden Thai food  - Tom Yam Gung, Pad Thai etc, followed by eating your creations.   You'll quickly learn that virtually all Thai recipes include adding liberal amounts of sugar, oyster sauce, fish sauce, mysterious seasoning sauce and soy sauce to enhance the flavour. (Adding a couple of spoonfuls of MSG while no-one's looking doesn't hurt either.)

Cookie's Restaurant. The most popular place for Thais and farangs to eat on White Sand Beach.  And deservedly so.  Good food and good sized portions at sensible prices.  If you want to eat cheaply simply avoid the seafood. Our dog gets free sausages when he comes with us, we don't . . . but we'll get served by a small army of waiters all eager to play with the dog.

Contacting hotels from abroad.  You plan to book your hotel with your local travel agent but have a few questions that you'd like to ask the hotel management before you do so.  Not  a problem you think as you've got the hotel's website URL and all the contact info you could wish for is listed.

First, of all stick to the tried and trusted methods - start with a Fax.  You dial, then nothing, or at best a voice in Thai telling you that the number was discontinued years before the hotel was ever built.  Ok, the phone.  You dial and get a confused receptionist, you then enter into a 15 minute conversation during which you repeat the following at least a dozen times each "Hello, can you hear me?", "Hello, are you there?".  You put down the phone  when the line mysteriously goes dead and all subsequent calls to the same number are met with an engaged tone. 

Finally, thank God for email.  Your message isn't bounced back as undeliverable and you think you're on a roll.  You spend the next day eagerly awaiting the reply, and then you spend the following day eagerly awaiting the reply, and the next, and the next until it dawns on you that perhaps a follow-up email is in order.  A week later you'll then email me and ask me why you can't contact your hotel of choice. Other than the fact there's usually only one person in each 3 or 4 star hotel who knows enough English to answer a fax, call or email correctly (and if they're off sick or too busy then you're screwed), I have no idea.  But it's a very common problem. 

Cynical. That's what this site has been called.  Good luck to those people who are happy to live on, work on or visit their own rose tinted version of Koh Chang but this site is for people who have outgrown travel brochure nonsense, appreciate a more realistic view and don't enjoy reading sycophantic muse written entirely to plug advertiser's business ventures. Phew, got that of my chest.

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Dentists. There is one dental clinic on Koh Chang, (opened in Feb 2006), Koh Chang Dental Clinic ( www.kohchangdental.com ) is located roadside near the Amari Emerald Cove Resort.  It's run by Dr Itsakpong and a couple of other dentists who have had their own private clinic in Trat for around 10 years.  The equipment all comes from overseas - mainly USA & Germany and the place is spotlessly clean.  Get your teeth cleaned for under 1,000 baht or a have them whitened and return home with a movie star smile for 12,000 baht.  Just remember a gleaming smile that looks good on Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts may not suit you.)

Diving companies.  The number of dive schools has increased exponentially since 2001, and with good reason, although the business has high expenses there are very good profit margins to be made.  The ubiquitous Ploy Scuba leads the way.  Virtually every surface on Koh Chang has had a Ploy Scuba sticker stuck on it at some time in the past and it's hard to avoid seeing, sometimes at very close quarters, their pick-up trucks on the road. I'm thinking of printing 'I was nearly hit by a f%&king idiot driving a Ploy Scuba pick-up' stickers - sure to be a big seller. Waterworld is another well-backed company with enough money to be able to afford a rinky-dinky diveboat and a flash office.  At the other end of the spectrum are the smaller dive operators who run virtually as a one man show with a couple of instructors who are sure to speak languages from countries somewhere near yours and operate using rented fishing boats which they share with other dive schools.  I keep hearing good things about BB Divers in Bangbao.  It's unique on Koh Chang in that it's female-run, which would seem to indicate that they'll be organised and  efficient, and that there's far less chance of bumping into one of the owners at 2am in Sabay bar trying to pick up a hooker.

Dive Instructors.  The lure of becoming a diving instructor isn't simply the about getting paid to work in exotic locations.  There's learning about marine flora and fauna and the thrill of passing on your knowledge and experience to others who may one day become passionate about protecting the planet's undersea beauty for generations to come.  On second thoughts, bollocks to it, it's all about shagging as many of your students as possible. 

Dive Sites.  Let's be honest, any one with a real zest for a diving holiday is going to head straight for the Andaman sea and the world class dive sites around the Similan islands, Koh Chang won't be on the list.  But if you're new to diving or simply want to dive in Thailand at a location within easy reach of Bangkok then Koh Chang is it.   The main undersea attractions are the underwater rock pinnacles which range from about 5 - 30 metres in depth.  There used to be a huge vertical wreck, of a gas tanker, however mother nature took over in early 2002, the ship refloated, drifted into shipping lanes and was resunk by the Thai navy.  It's now a mere horizontal wreck in 35 metre waters somewhere between Koh Samet and Koh Chang.

Dodgy Construction Work.  Local government staff, more specifically, those in the planning department, don't work weekends.  Therefore, you'll often see large trucks shifting dirt from one location to another on a Saturday or Sunday.  Why?  Because, more likely than not, the work that they are doing is best completed without nosey officials getting in the way.  Once something has been built it's far harder to have it removed than it is to either stop it being built during the planning approval phase or during construction.  Therefore, don't get plans approved and don't let anyone catch you building it.  Job done, but over a period of several weekends.

Dolphins.  Around Koh Chang, there's probably more chance of seeing dolphin on a menu than in the sea, which is why any  'Swim with the Dolphins' tours you see advertised will head to Oasis Sea World at Chantaburi rather than the open seas.  The dolphinarium is only an hour's drive from the ferry pier and you'll have the chance to see a dolphin show and also swim with the dolphins.  (Read the small print, actually swimming with the dolphins  - which is what everyone wants to do - is always an extra on top of the tour fee which only includes a dolphin show.)

On the tour you'll probably also be taken to a gem shop or two and a run-of-the-mill Thai temple, and even Robinson's  department store, as your guide will want to make sure you spend the whole day having your wallet emptied.  Returning home with nothing but photos and fond memories of frolicking with the dolphins isn't the aim, arriving back at your hotel loaded down with shopping and bargain gems is.  But I'd recommend the experience as a way to take a break from Koh Chang and Chantaburi is quite a nice town, it's the centre of Thailand's gem industry, there's quite a lot of French influence - as they controlled this area of Thailand for a while, plus a load of Vietnamese immigrants made it home a century ago and the largest Catholic church in Thailand is here.  Although, as it isn't in the vicinity of Robinson's department store or the Dolphin Show, you probably won't see it. 

With your own transport you can also visit the nearby mangrove forests, there are mountain bike trails along the quiet roads along the shoreline.  These are the real highlight of Chantaburi.  If only someone would build an out of town shopping mall or gem shop nearby, you might be able to see the on a guided tour.

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Elephant Camps.  There are three camps on the island, two of which I don't have a great deal of time for and one where I go regularly.   To me an elephant's natural habitat is in the jungle and not tethered a few metres from the roadside.  Whilst I'm sure that 'Baan Chang Thai' and 'Chang Chutiman'  camps ensure the mahouts look after their elephants well the idea of roadside, drive-in elephant camps just doesn't appeal to me. 

Infinitely better is 'Ban Kwan Chang', a camp run by the guy who is in change of the Asian Elephant Foundation. This camp is located in a valley about 3km from Klong Son village in the north of the island.  There are half a dozen elephant of varying ages and personalities.  A couple of the mahouts speak some English and there is quite a lot of written info available.  Even if you aren't up for a ride on an elephant you can buy some bananas, feed them and just enjoy the jungle scenery.  The open air toilet is a one-off.  Go there.

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Fire Shows.  In 'B' for 'Bars' I mentioned 'Sabay' bar. This bar gained it's popularity from the nightly fire shows that it's staff put on.  If the sight of sweaty young Thai guys swinging balls of fire round their heads is new to you then be sure to stroll past at about 9pm every evening.  Of course the fire show's popularity has ensured that virtually every beach bar on the island now has a fire show of a varying degree of mediocrity and danger to spectators.  The job of fire show guy now seems to be top of the career aspirations of local teenagers who, rightly, see this as their one shot at getting off with a farang backpacker chick.   And judging by the number of bikini clad babes seen practicing and taking private lessons the odds of that happening don't seen to be too bad.  Down at 'Barracuda Bar' on Klong Prao beach a father and son team whirl fire around their heads. Don't blame Dad for being a bad influence, it was his schoolboy son  that taught him the moves.  So, the next time you think about telling your kids not to play with fire, remember you may be harming their future employment prospects.

Fireflies tour.  A tour offered by a few of the agencies on the island is a nighttime one to see the fireflies at play in the mangroves.  Iyara Tours combine a meal in their riverside restaurant with a free guided, 30 minute trip to see the fireflies by canoe.  The number of fireflies you actually see varies a great deal so it's a bit hit and miss - but if you're lucky then you'll usually see several trees lit up with a constantly moving mass of lights. That coupled with the eerie surroundings of pitch black mangrove makes for an experience accurately described as "neat" by one American friend.  Our house is a 10 minute canoe paddle from firefly central so we often get lost fireflies making their way into the house at night - the little buggers send the dog crazy trying to catch them.  You can also see fireflies in the Klong Son mangroves, contact the Grand Orchid hotel in Klong Son for info.

Fishing.  In the late afternoon it's common to see young locals and construction workers sitting on pier or riverbanks with their rods in hand, having a ball. Fishing isn't simply a matter of drowning worms for fun, it's free food  - which if you're earning less than 150 baht a day and spending half of that on a beer & 20 ciggies is something which helps appease the wife.  After seeing a few decent sized, edible fish in the estuary outside our front door I was almost tempted to borrow a fishing rod but was stopped by one of our builders who assured me that he knew a far less time consuming, and guaranteed successful way of catching fish. 

It's simple, highly effective and, as I later learnt, also illegal - so don't try this, unless you want a bucketful of fish in less than 30 minutes.  Take one 10 metre length of electric cable, throw one end in the water in an area where fish like to congregate and hold the other near a plug socket.  Watch and wait.  When a six inch fish swims within a metre radius of the end of the underwater cable, make a quick connection with the plug socket.  This results in the fish slowly freaking out on the surface of the water thus enabling it to be scooped out with a net or by hand.  If you're lucky and fish are in close formation, you can snare five or six fish in one zap.  Beats watching fish ignore your bait time and again.  (The reason it's illegal is that all small marine life gets fried indiscriminately when you power up - a situation marine biologists describe as being "not a  good thing".)

Sea Fishing tours are available for around 1,200 baht/day, double what a snorkelling trip costs, but that's partly due to far fewer people being interested in drowning worms whilst on holiday.  More seriously, we've had a few guests go on sea fishing trips with a company called 'Sea Hunter' and they've all loved it.  All report that the staff are organised and efficient, the equipment is good quality and the guys on the boat know their stuff when it comes to fishing.  In the day time expect to catch Grouper and Snapper.  At night Squid and barracuda.

Footwear.  Need a new pair of sandals . . no problem.  You'll be quoted 350 baht for a 99 baht pair of flip-flops that started life by being hastily stuck  together in a Cambodian backwater by pre-teen workers.  Be sure to buy a tube of superglue, you'll need it if you plan to wear them for more than a week. 

Next option is to head to one of the markets and buy from the sandal vendors.  They sell decent enough quality Thai brand sandals e.g. 'Kito' and 'Adda',  for 200 - 250 baht.  They're comfortable and will easily last 6 months or more with no worries.

There is only one shop that sells 'real' brand name footwear.  Check out the branch of the Danish 'Ecco footwear'  in Sabay Plaza, White Sand Beach or VJ Plaza, Klong Prao.  Sandals, shoes and trekking boots that are built to last and in your size from 2,800 baht. 

Foreign exchange.  Everyone knows that they get a very disadvantageous exchange rate when they change money at their hotel or guesthouse.  So why do it?  Laziness, that's why.  Get yourself to one of the forex offices run by Thai banks where Traveller's Cheques and hard currency, i.e. not your stash of Lao Kip and Nepali Rupees, can be changed at the usual undesirably low rates.  Better still, use your ATM card.

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Golden Retrievers.  One of the more popular breeds on the island, if unloved, unwanted beach and street dogs are discounted.  Iyara Tour have 'Patty', the water shop in Klong Prao have one who's name escapes me at present, Chang Park Resort's loves nothing better than jumping in their pool - which tends to worry some holidaymakers, and ours is called 'Santa'.

Green Club.  A 'Koh Chang Green Club' is in existence although I'm pretty sceptical about it.  My scepticism is based on the only people I've seen wearing the Green Club t-shirts are prominent businessmen & resort owners on the island; one of whom we met whilst he was overseeing construction of a small luxury development in the south-east of the island.  A project he was happy to admit had to be completed quickly, he was aiming to build two teak wood houses in under two weeks, so as to avoid being told to stop by planning authorities as the land in question could only legally be used for farmland.  (The houses have since been relocated.)  Seems more like a boys club than a real attempt to preserve the island especially as I later found out that the guy described above was actually the founder of the 'Green Club'.

Graffiti.  You don't see much graffiti in Thailand but Koh Chang is home to a little bit of the royal variety.  Head to Tham Mayom waterfall to see the spot where King Rama IV and, a few years later, King Rama V carved their names into the stone.  It's probably best not to ask the park rangers if you too can carve your name there or enquire as to whether this type of royal vandalism should be promoted as a tourist attraction.  

Guidebooks.  The farang-run White Sands Publications churn out a free quarterly guide to Koh Chang and the surrounding islands which includes good maps and lots of bland, non-controversial, useful & sensible tourist info and seems to be the most widely available guide on the island.  Expect regurgitated facts and plugs for advertisers rather than an exciting read. 

The company behind www.koh-chang.com, a touristy website aimed at getting you to book your hotel room online with them, also produce a free 'ultimate guide'   However, this guide appears to be targeted at potential clients for a few of the big hotels and seafood restaurants on the island and is therefore full of lengthy outdated prose on the enchanting beauty of the island and phrases such as 'Join with us to come to experience the only one natural of Koh Chang.'

It's possible to lay your hands on free island maps of varying degrees of usefulness and accuracy or you could lay out some cash and buy a fold out map from most minimarts in tourist areas.  These maps exist more to make money from selling advertising spaces to bungalows and restaurants on the island, rather than they do to provide any useful, accurate information.

The monthly 'Untamed Travel' magazine, covers Thailand and SE Asia, and is well worth shelling out 99 baht for, has loads of articles from listings, including a page (that I write) covering accommodation, bars and restaurants on Koh Chang.  So it offers more in the way of accuracy than the outdated listings in your Lonely Planet or Rough Guide but the format doesn't help much if you don't know the layout of the island beforehand and it isn't very in depth 

'Pattaya & Beyond' - an advertorial filled free magazine which includes maps & general info guide has recently added a Koh Chang section to its pages.  I help write it for no other reason than I saw a copy, emailed the Thai guy who runs it, met up with him when he was on Koh Chang and told him I could (usually) be relied on to be able to string grammatically correct sentences together.  But more often than not I have to write in a tourist mag style which means keeping a thesaurus handy and lots of references to 'paradise island', 'stunning vistas' and 'palm trees swaying in cool tropical zephyr ' and so on so take it for what it is.

Gym.  After working up a sweat by simply walking around, head down to VJ Plaza, Klong Prao to Koh Chang's first gym, namely 'Koh Chang Gym' which is as full of as many free weights as can possibly be packed into 24 square metres of floor space and the parking area outside.  A much larger gym, also names 'Koh Chang Gym' is located at one of the ferry piers on the east of the island.  They have a large selection of weights machines and barbells, dumb bells etc.  Next to the passenger ferry pier, Dan Kao pier, south of the two car ferry piers is the biggest & best equipped gym on the island.  Loads of free weight machines and sweaty Thai guys.

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Health.  Every resort on the island has at least one  female member of staff who will dole out oversweet tea, sympathy and a handful of paracetamol to anyone who stays out in the sun too long or falls off their rented scooter.  If your medical needs require more specialised help then you can head to the new large, international clinic, run by the Bangkok Hospital group, at the southern end of White Sand Beach, Tel: 01 863 3609 - it's open 24 hours for emergencies & and takes credit cards.  Expect to pay 3,000 baht to see a doctor, so maybe not the best place to go if you need cream for a mozzie bite. Another option is to visit Koh Chang's hospital on the east of the island a few km past the ferry terminals which will save you an arm and a leg . . . both metaphorically and literally.   A couple of doctors speak  a bit of English. 

More hit and miss diagnoses and medication are also available at pharmacies & small clinics in Klong Son, Kai Bae, Dan Mai, Salakphet, Jek Bae, Klong Prao and Bang Bao who'll all be  happy to let you tell them what drugs you require.

But, saving the best for last - PP Inter Clinic, on the main road opposite the turning for the Amari Emerald Cove hotel is your best bet for a friendly, English speaking doctor.  Dr Peeraphan used to work for a well known private hospital and is a qualified plastic surgeon as well as MD.  Same quality as the International clinic at half the cost.  See www.ppclinicinter.com for info.  (Another small private clinic 'Siam Clinic' also opened in mid-2006 opposite the entrance to Klong Prao Resort.)

Herbal Sauna.  The original herbal sauna is locate in bailan.  This adobe style building quickly caught the eye of backpakcers who headed there to 'chill out' prior to a night partying.  Build a room, build a fire, throw on some camphor oil  - how hard could it be? Not very assume a growing number of backpacker resort owners who now have their own herbal saunas. 

Homestays.  If sleeping in a fisherman's spare room,  waking up to the sound of Granny hacking up phlegm, realising you aren't flexible enough to use a squat toilet properly and then sharing a Beer Chang for breakfast with Dad's chums -  "Hey you! Manchester United, very good.", "You like Thai girls?" -  is your idea of a holiday then several locals in the beautiful Salakphet bay area welcome travellers into their humble abodes for a small fee. (You pay them, they don't pay you.)

Hongtaews.  You won't know the word but you'll know what they are.  When you're travelling around the island you'll notice row upon row of non-descript shop units, usually home to collections of swimwear or souvenir junk.  This type of unit is called a 'hongtaew'.  Local developers have realised that there are plenty of people willing to pay a few thousand baht a month to rent 16-20 square metres of roadside space, so it's easy money.  The downside is that most of the hongtaews are real eyesores and if the government was serious in developing Koh Chang as a high end destination they'd never have been allowed to be built. 

Horse Riding.  In Hua Hin, on the opposite side of the Gulf of Thailand, horseback riding along the beach has long been a popular pastime.  Here on Koh Chang, elephant riding (trekking) is the thing to be seen doing.  Therefore, it remains to be seen how popular this small riding centre - midway between White Sand Beach and Pearl Beach - becomes, especially as no riding will be done on a beach.  This equestrian centre comes with it's own freeform riding 'track', which must be almost 100 metres in circumference.  So, if pony rides roadside are your thing, stick this on your 'Must Do' list.  As of February 2006, this 'attraction' has been closed and the recently erected buildings have crumbled.  So I guess it wont be reopening anytime soon. 

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Ice Cream.  Forget Walls, Nestle and the shockingly poor but very cheap 'Cremo'.  Look for the the middle aged man & woman on motorbikes selling coconut ice cream.  They come over from Trat daily and ride motorbikes with a blue sign bearing the memorable slogan 'Coconut Ice Cream' and a picture of a palm tree on them. No awards for originality  but this 'brand' is delicious and a small plastic cup full only costs 10 baht. Far better than other locally produced stuff which tend to combine a crushed ice texture with a crushed ice taste to produce an overall taste sensation closely resembling that of crushed ice.

Internet Access.  Land lines have finally arrived in Koh Chang and now reach all the way down the west coast to Bangbao.  This means that internet access on White Sands should in theory be a lot cheaper than it was a couple of years ago when all connections were made by satellite.   This isn't the case as visitors seem to have got used to the idea of paying a, now standard, 1 baht per minute for internet access on Koh Chang, so many operators on still charge this.  More places are now offering deals for daily or weekly membership but you're not going to find anywhere offering access for the 20-30 baht/hour as in  Bangkok or other mainland towns.   (Trat has several small Internet cafes and guesthouses that cater for tourists and therefore charge 1 baht/minute, however, a quick walk around the town centre will result in you finding somewhere for the usual 20 baht/hour rate.)

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Jah Bar. Closed in late 2003. Get over it, life moves on.

Jintara.  The playful, artistic elephant at Baan Kwan Chang Elephant Camp.  Feed her some banana's tell her I said "Hi".  Look into her bright, lively eyes, you can tell she's one hell of an happy, intelligent  pachyderm.

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Kai Bae.  This area was the site of the first bungalow resorts on Koh Chang.  One family here was the first to recognise the potential in opening their houses up to scruffy hippies in the eighties.  20 years on and  half a dozen huge speedboats and a beautiful teak Thai style house are testimony to their success.

Karaoke.  Question: What beach holiday wouldn't be complete without a night spent in a karaoke bar?  Answer: All of them, if you're Thai.  None of them, if you're a farang. 

Cultural differences you see, it's these little things that make travel to countries poorer than your own so interesting.  Stay here too long and you'll be putting ice in your beer too.

If you feel the urge to make a twat out of yourself in public then you can find a dozen or so places, Klong Prao area is a good place to look, that offer cheap food, beer and a karaoke jukebox - don't expect many songs in English but most Thai songs have transliterated English subtitles.  Airconditioned karaoke, for the middle-class male Thai tourist, and bemused farangs, is available at 'Milky Way' situated roadside between White Sand Beach & Pearl Beach.  The flyers, in Thai, promise customers a 150 inch TV and hot-chick hostesses who are 'available' (nudge nudge, wink, wink, say no more) every day. 

Kicking Ass.  Is a beach vacation too laid back for you?  Do you feel the need to learn how to 'whoop ass' in a divine manner?  Look no further.  Head down to Lonely Beach for classes in 'Antique Tibetan Kung Fu in the Dragon style'. (It was never going to be in the 'fluffy bunny' or 'duckling' style, was it?) 

Backpacker activity credibility checklist:

• Gives a nod to an oppressed nation? - Yep. 

• Got a bit of tradition? - Sure, it says Antique. 

• Is violent, but in a spiritual and therefore acceptable manner? - Heck, it's Kung Fu - don't you remember the 1970s David Carradine TV show?

Koh.  The Thai word for island.  For the sake of traveller credibility, and also accuracy, pronounce it the same as you would the first two letters of the word 'got' and not to rhyme with the word 'go'.

Koh Chang Television.  Koh Chang has it's own TV station which has proved to be very popular with hotels and bungalow resorts as they can now offer a multitude of international TV channels for their guests at hardly any cost to themselves.  Before you get too excited, bear in mind that if you aren't Chinese, Indian, Indonesian or Filipino then the number of channels you'll want to watch is limited to roughly zero.  (Or one if you like CNN)  Imagine your disappointment when the advertised live football on a Saturday night isn't Bundesliga or Premier League,but Teranganu v. Petaling Jaya, live from a playing field in a Malaysian backwater.  Highlights also include some locally made content - camcorder made infomercials for tourist attractions and hotels complete with cheesy soundtrack and less than subtle editing. 

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Laundry.  The going rate for laundry services on the island is about 30 - 40 baht per kilo.  A better bet is to keep an eye out for coin operated washing machines, you can find the in out of the way shops on all the main beaches.  These usually cost around 30-40 baht for a full load.  All you need is to buy a 5 baht bag of washing powder and give up an hour of your valuable time to wait for the machine to complete its wash, rinse & spin cycle.  Laundry dries within 30 minutes with a bit of sun and sea breeze.  Don't worry about not having your clothes ironed wearing slightly crinkly t-shirt won't kill you or embarrass everyone you have ever met,  regardless of what your mother may have taught you in the past.

Lawyers.  Whether you've been busted for the pigs for a crime you didn't commit or wrecked your rental motorbike and are now facing a ridiculous demand for damages, you may think about obtaining the services of a lawyer.  There's one small law office on Koh Chang, in VJ Plaza.  However, this is staffed by a clerk and not a 'real' lawyer - he's in Pattaya where the main business is.  Another is in Kai Bae adjacent to Chang Park Resort.  Plus you'll see signs on small offices for legal services roadside in White Sand Beach & Klong Prao

If you need a lawyer for any reason, especially one that involves the exchange of money or property then avoid any based on Koh Chang for the simple reason that you have no way of knowing that they will represent your best interests.  Get a lawyer from Pattaya or, better still, from a well known law firm in Bangkok.  They'll cost more but they wont screw up your life.

Learning Thai.  Koh Chang's first language school opened it's doors in July '06.  The Anchana Language School is based on White Sand Beach, near Paddy's Palms Irish Pub and is the only place on Koh Chang offering English & Thai language courses.  If you're reading this you probably don't have much need for English classes taught by a middle-aged Thai woman, but you may want to spend anything from a few hours to a few days or even weeks  studying Thai.  A couple of weeks just lying on the beach can get boring, spend a couple of days learning Thai and then practice what you've learnt on hotel staff and in bars & restaurants - it will change your holiday experience.  Contact Lek or Carsten on 01.450.6268 or 07.929.5199 for more details.

Lifejackets.  These are provided, in varying degrees of quality and quantity on ferries and all of the bigger tour boats.  The average Thai citizen's unnerving reliance on lifejackets as the only thing standing between the wearer and certain death whilst on or near water is something just waiting to have a Phd. thesis written on.   Most farangs who travel and take boat trips or snorkelling tours can swim or at least have the ability to float and also understand that the odds of the boat sinking are comparatively minimal. 

Thais, for whatever reason, aren't naturally buoyant and therefore feel the need to don a day-glo orange life preserver at the mere mention of open water.   Of course, taking non-swimming grandparents and young children snorkelling and then  relying on life jackets to keep the dangers of the ocean currents at bay isn't one of the greatest ideas of all time but this isn't the time or place to start writing sentences containing the nouns 'Thais' & 'common sense'.

Locals.  The local population falls into two camps, those who cashed in on the land price boom too soon, and those with a brain. 

The former group sold their land as soon as a nice man from Bangkok came to their door and offered them a couple of hundred thousand baht plus a second hand pick-up truck for their acres of useless beachfront coconut palms.  The latter group, rent out their land but periodically sell small plots when they are offered huge sums of un-taxable cash.  You'll also notice that there are only a handful of families on the island and that everyone in a certain area has similar features.  Pretty much everyone is related to everyone else.  Don't mention inbreeding.

Lonely Beach. - see 'Beaches'.    Sure the beach is excellent but now that everyone and their dog has built small bars and dirt cheap huts it reminds me too much of Koh Phi-phi (pre-tsunami) and it's shanty town, cash-in-quick commercialism. And like Phi-phi (post-tsunami) levelling the place in order to build something a little more upmarket isn't such a bad idea.  In fact, the process is already underway with Siam Beach resort building a pool and hotel rooms and a new upmarket resort being built adjacent to Nature Beach huts.

Lonely Planet Guidebook. A new 'Thailand' edition was published in October 2005, the problem with listings for places such as Koh Chang which are developing so fast is that by the time the book is published the information is at least 18 months out of date.   Good to get an idea, but don't expect prices for transportation to be anywhere near accurate and also note that so many resorts and restaurants have opened on Koh Chang in the past couple of years that just because one isn't in the LP, it doesn't mean that it's crap.  The guy from the LP was in Koh Chang and the surrounding islands in mid-October 2006, so it'll be interesting to see what gems of wisdom the new guide contains

Longtail boats.  You wont see any of the type used in southern Thailand, narrow, 6 metre long boats with a truck engine mounted on the back.  Here locals use smaller 4 metre fiberglass boats with 6 - 13 HP Honda engines.  These are dirt cheap to run and also well worth buying if you plan to be on the island for a while, the only thing you need is somewhere to moor it.  The cost, including delivery for a boat and engine which is ready to go is around 55 - 60,000 baht, get one in Trat town.

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Malaria. Judging from the emails I receive and from speaking to guests who stay at our place, most people are a bit worried about the odds of catching malaria.  Google 'malaria' and 'Koh Chang' and you'll find plenty of health related websites which have Thailand's borders with Cambodia and Burma plus Koh Chang coloured red. Red meaning, as Guns n' Roses once said "Welcome to the jungle, you're gonna die!".

In boring old reality, there's only a chance of catching malaria if you plan on spending a few weeks camping out in the jungle during the rainy season.  If  you're planning on staying in a beachfront hotel then I wouldn't worry.  Locals don't worry or even give malaria a second thought nowadays. (The local government launched an eradication program well over 10 years ago).  I've asked a couple of neighbours if they remember anyone catching it and in the past few years - since the advent of mass tourism there haven't been any cases that stick in the mind.  In the two and a half years I've been here I haven't heard of any cases or even rumours of cases.

Take the obvious precautions, wear long sleeved shirts and light trousers in the evening and bring a good mosquito repellent, something with a high percentage of DEET in it as mozzies can sometimes be a nuisance. Natural, citronella based repellents, may make you feel as though you're saving the ozone layer or whatever, but when it comes to deterring mozzies; coating yourself with DEET or, any Agent Orange derivative, is the only way to go.

It's also interesting to note that whilst I've had loads of emails from people worrying about catching malaria, not one person has shown any concern  about contracting Dengue Fever. This is odd as Dengue is far more prevalent throughout Thailand, has no cure and kills a lot more people than Malaria every year in this part of the world.  You'll find that most expats who've lived in Thailand for a while have either contracted Dengue or have a good friend who has, whereas none of them will know anyone who caught Malaria.  (I caught it in Bangkok a few years ago - it isn't a fun virus to have - as the main symptoms, of the milder form, are a week of the worst migraine headache you can imagine combined with all your joints aching at the slightest movement.)

Mangroves.  As mangroves have a habit of blocking beach access most of those on the west coast have long been cut down already.  But you can still hire a canoe and paddle down the Klong Prao river estuary to see mangrove lined riverbanks. A really beautiful mangrove forest can be found in Salakkok, in the south-east of the island.  Sea canoe is the best way to visit.  However, a newly constructed concrete walkway enables lazy-arsed visitors to walk about 800 metres through the mangroves.  An experience that leaves you marveling at the poor construction on the concrete walkway for which huge tracts of mangroves were obviously cut down to enable it to be built.

Marine life.  Whilst the seas around Koh Chang may not offer Andaman-esque crystal clear waters they do offer a wide variety of marine life for snorkellers and divers alike.  Rays, eels, turtles, groupers plus the very occasional lost shark can all be seen in addition to the usual multicoloured reef fish.  The most interesting things I've seen are a couple of small sea snakes in the water off Klong Prao beach and big turtles near Koh Rang.

Markets.  There are an increasing number of weekly markets on Koh Chang.  They seem to change location on a monthly basis.  The biggest was the Saturday market on White Sand Beach until the CP Company bought the land and the market relocated to Klong Prao.  Now the market has fragmented as Klong Prao isn't so busy and half the traders are back at a new site in White Sand Beach on Tuesdays.  The others are held around Klong Son, and three other locations around Klong Prao on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  The same stall holders put in appearances at all the markets which generally kick off mid-afternoon.  If you're anorexic you may find some cheap clothes that fit but otherwise seasonal fruit, deep fried meat by-products on sticks, tattoos, second hand TVs and a wide range of plastic items in primary colours remain the worthwhile purchases.  A new permanent market opened in late 2005 in Chai Chet, just north of Klong Prao beach, but it hasn't taken off due to relatively high rents.  It's a mix of shop units and stalls that can be used to sell fresh goods - but never are. As of October 2006 it's housing a motley collection of beer bars

Massage. You'll find massage ladies on the beach, in your resort, lurking in hole in the wall shops everywhere on the island.  Finding one isn't a problem, finding a good one is far harder. Cost is about 200-300 baht for a beach massage lasting an hour or more.  A good way to unwind after a day's swimming/canoeing/elephant riding/snorkelling etc.  The vast majority are 'traditional Thai massage only' so, guys, if you're in need of some form of 'special' massage for your dangly bits you'll need to shop around - preferably discreetly.  Getting  a stiffy whilst enjoying a beach massage is considered impolite, and the odds are the massage girl won't be impressed as she's probably seen bigger & better in her time.  (For a good value massage away from the beach in well decorated, clean surroundings try Sima Massage, Klong Prao - near Chang Chutiman elephant camp.)

Missing the ferry.  One of the common fears anyone arriving by plane has is "What happens if we miss the last ferry and are stranded at the pier?" Don't worry, that hasn't happened yet and unless flights are delayed a by a couple of hours or so it's unlikely to be a problem.  Trat airport is an informal place, you'll be out of there 15 minutes after your plane lands and then it's only another 15-20 minute drive to the ferry pier.  Anyone heading to Koh Chang by bus should leave Bangkok before 12pm (before 11am if you don't want to rush) to make sure that they can get to Laem Ngop or Centrepoint piers in time for the 7pm ferry. There's a new hotel at Centrepoint pier, costs around 700 - 1,000 baht/night.  Rooms have AC, satellite TV etc. 

Mobile Phones.  AIS is the only service provider that can be relied on if you want your phone to work virtually everywhere on the island -  despite what DTAC, Orange & Hutch may claim.  The old Thai joke about DTAC giving away a free bicycle with every SIM card so that users can get to a place that has coverage still applies in the south of Koh Chang.

Monkey Show.  This wouldn't be Thailand unless some poor dumb creatures were being exploited.  The dumb creatures in question being the visitors who head to see 'attractions' such as this one.  Animal rights activists and anyone who's sense of humour has developed further than guffawing over the sight of a leashed monkey dancing to Britney Spears' latest offering should steer clear.  "Look, Mummy, the monkey can walk around on two legs!", "So could you dear if I held you up by a noose around your neck."

Monks.  There's a monastery in Klong Prao and one of the perks seems to be that off duty monks are free to lurk around the beach near KP Huts trying to work their devout Buddhist charm on female backpackers.  There are also  couple of monk retreats (basically monk campsites ) in the jungle.  If you're up early in the morning (6-7am) you'll see locals giving alms to monks in White Sand Beach, Klong Prao, Kai Bae etc. 

Motorbikes. 100-125cc bikes are available to rent from virtually any hotel, guesthouse, hotel, noodle stall and street corner.  Cost is 200 Baht for 24 hours rental which usually drops to 150 baht in low season.  Expect to leave your passport or some form of photo ID as a security deposit.  Most bikes are new and many are now automatic - which makes life far easier for inexperienced riders trying to navigate Koh Chang's hilly west coast road.  (Yamaha Mio's and Nuovo's are the automatic bikes.) You should be given a helmet as they are mandatory, although 95% of people don't wear them.  Big bikes and dirtbikes are also available from a couple of shops for anyone wanting to display their manliness by wrestling a V-Max around a few hairpin bends or going off-road in their resort car parks.  Avoid renting ATVs, they're not road legal in Thailand so you're screwed if you have an accident.

Motorcyclists. There are two kinds of riders on K.C.  The bad farang riders and the bad Thai riders.  Their traits differ however, the Thai rider will more often than not be a danger to other road users because he places all his faith in not having an accident in the small amulet his grandfather gave him rather than following any rules of the road.  This amulet gives him superhuman powers and makes him indestructible.  Think about it, how fast would you ride if you thought you had eternal life?  Farang riders pose an equal threat, not through speed, more through lack of it.  Lobster tanned couples wobbling around on a 100cc scooter and eventually stalling and falling underneath the wheels of  a pick-up when attempting to climb a hill are an all too common cause of tailbacks.  

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Newspapers. Since late 2005 V-Mart branches in White Sand Beach and Klong Prao have been selling newspapers for face value - no mark up!!!  What's even more surprising is that the days of only being able to buy yesterday's newspaper today are now gone.  Visit V-Mart after mid-morning and you can get the day's Bangkok Post.  Life is good.

New Year Gala Dinners.  Yet another pet hate of mine  are the compulsory 'gala dinners' which guests staying at larger resorts and hotels over New Year, and often Xmas have to pay . . . along with inflated room rates.  I'm not sure who coined the phrase 'gala dinner' but I'm sure that it wasn't originally used to describe a mediocre buffet and entertainment that consists entirely of the male hotel staff dressing up as women and lip synching Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey's greatest hits - plus "I will survive" for the finale, whilst guests, who attend only to avoid wasting the 1,500 - 2,000 baht they've prepaid, down litres of free 'punch' in a desperate attempt to get in a party mood. 

Nightlife. If it's a full on full moon experience you're after, heading to the islands south, rather than east, of Bangkok is a better bet.  There's a couple of nightspots that fall into the 'nightclub' category - Sky Bay Pub on Pearl Beach - which caters for a 99% Thai crowd and the newly opened 'Backsound' club on Lonely Beach - which caters for a 99% farang backpacker crowd who still haven't realised than dance music is dead.  Elsewhere you'll find plenty of bars which will stay open until the last customer leaves or passes out, whichever is sooner.

Nonsi waterfall.  Don't bother unless it's been raining a hell of a lot in the previous 24 hours as this is a minor attraction if ever there was one - a small fall at the end of a washed out 800 metre long track. Although the nearby restaurants are supposed to be good so it'd make a pleasant enough stop on an east coast trip if you happened to get a puncture nearby.

Novels featuring Koh Chang.  Pick up  a copy of 'Thai Girl' by Andrew Hicks at the airport or any good bookshop in Bangkok.  Since being published in 2004 it's been the best selling English language novel in Thailand.  Part of the story is set on Koh Chang and reviews in the local press were uniformly positive, making it ideal for a poolside read.  Especially if you need an alternative to violent thrillers or want to stand out from the 'DaVinci Code' or Andy McNabb reading her